Gratitude Day 146 - Bye, Bye May Baby

Dear Friends,
Good Time Charlie, whose cowardly departure I celebrated last week (Gratitude Day 139), called again. This time, I spoke with him. He wanted to talk about "us!"
"Us?" I replied with genuine surprise.
"Yes, you and I."
"There is no you and I." Indifference resonated in my voice.
"I miss you, baby."
"After a whole year?"
"I missed you all the time..."
I didn't let him go on. I told him I was not the same woman he had left. I told him I was happy with my new life.


Once I put the phone down, I burst out laughing! No, it was not a "nervous" reaction! It was genuinely funny that he thought he could actually win me back. Gotta admire his CHUTZPAH!
I'm grateful for the phone call though, it cheered me up!


The month of May has been taxing. Although at my age, I should proceed with caution on the slippery passage of time and not wish away days of my life, I wished away a whole month with passion - too much emotional baggage attached to this 5th month of the year! 

Thanks to a dear colleague who has organised a gathering at her place, I'll be gratefully celebrating the end of May in excellent company. 

Have an uplifting long weekend, everyone!

Gratitude Day 145 - Foster or Fester?

Dear Friends,
Last night, I had a fight with God! 


"Hello, I can really use some help, down here!" I cried out! 
But, God was fresh out of support; all he had left on the shelf was “blame." So, he dished out a gallon!


Sitting in the dark, wrapped in guilt, I realised the difference between "foster" and "fester" was only in an "o." Like, "Oh?" "Oh no!" "Oh dear!" "Oh!Oh! I screwed up with my kid!"


Let's call the last two postings "It can be worse" part deux and trois, so I can be grateful for fighting with everyone concerned from home, and not from behind locked doors of a psychiatric ward. 


Have a sane day everyone!

Gratitude Day 144 - God Give Me Strength...

Dear Friends,
According to an Iranian proverb, the potter always drinks from a cracked pot.
Last night, to my horror, my older son who lives in Toronto, declared that he cannot be appreciative of his blessings. He knows they are there somewhere, but he simply cannot talk himself into being grateful! Unfortunately, my antidote "it can be worse" doesn't rekindle his enthusiasm. What he has is invisible - what he doesn't have is bigger than life! 
This morning, staring at the blank screen, what can "Miss Sunshine" be possibly grateful for? Perhaps the fact that her son doesn't see any reason not to live, yet! 
Today, I'm wishing myself strength - you can have whatever you like!

Gratitude Day 143 - It Can Always Be Worse...

Dear Friends,
Last weekend, the concept of "like attracts like" caught up with me at the Pearson International Airport! My negative thoughts and feelings brought about some negative outcome - my flight to NY was delayed for three hours - as long as a round trip to La Guardia!


I had every intention of joining the moaners and the groaners, but then I remembered my mantra "It can be worse!" So, instead of "sardining" myself between people whose feet and luggage also deserve seats, I checked myself into the Admiral Club!
Complimentary wine and Internet - What a blessing!
As soon as I discovered travellers are not as friendly and talkative as bar hoppers, I logged into my blog and worked on my memoir!
Gradually my positive energy surfaced, and so did the sun over Manhattan! 
My plans with my granddaughters and nieces were realised few hours later than anticipated. 


Yesterday morning, my grateful son showed his appreciation by upgrading my return ticket - more free wine! With the front row empty, I got to stretch my legs - suddenly realising how much my own feet needed a seat of their own! 
However, "Welcome to Canada, stand behind red line please," does not discriminate in favour of executive class! It seemed that all the planes had arrived at the same time! 


To preserve the integrity of my socialist beliefs, I took the public transportation home! 


This morning, still in New York kind of mood, I can't help, but feel very lucky. I'm so grateful for being able to take these short trips to see my family.
Have a complimentary day everyone!

Gratitude Day 142 - Polka Dots

Dear Friends,
Today, let's hear it for the pretty, pretty Polka-Dots! They simply cheer me up - just like violets do! 
White medium-size dots scattered against black, red or navy background are my favourite combinations! 
Although rumour has it - in my culture - women of certain age should not risk looking "cutesy" by wearing polka-dots, I'm in search of a long polka-dot skirt. If I can't find one, I shall gratefully go to Queen Street West - the fabric paradise! Then, I shall gratefully sit behind my sewing machine and sew something that hopefully will resemble a skirt, wearable outside my four walls. 


I'm getting so good at counting my blessings - I can even project gratitude into the future!

Have a cheerful weekend everyone!

Gratitude Day 141 - Pot or Pan?

Dear Friends,
Moving along the path of forgiveness and forgetfulness, I never liked sceptics, until I became one myself! 
It has been said that you are not over a breakup unless you are ready to be trusting and vulnerable again! Although it seemed like a tall order, I gave it a try. While back in December, I threw - carelessly I might add - my last "hope chip" on a romance roulette table in Cuba and lost. 


Yes, my name is Lili, and I am gratefully bitter!


There is a revealing saying in Farsi; die for someone who is at least willing to run a fever for you! Since in my case, results were never worth the effort, I finally lost my innocence and developed a healthy scepticism! It comes in handy when men hit on me (surprisingly, it still happens!) or friends try to set me up. There sure is safety in invulnerability! 
Furthermore, not everybody is a pot, in need of a lid! I just might be a frying pan! 
Have a carefree day everyone!

Gratitude Day 140 - To Forgive and To Forget

Dear Friends,

Thinking of heartbreaks and breakups, I was wondering why 
"forgive and forget" go hand in hand. One is a matter of the heart, 
the other of the brain! 
"Forgive and forget" implies harmony between the two organs. 
Since when do brain and heart operate on the same level? 
I find the heart to be more forgiving than the brain. I believe 
popular advice is "Love with your brain!"

Unless someone is suffering from brain alteration, no one really forgets anything. I was never a follower of the "forgive and forget" policy because my mind and body never learnt to cooperate with each other. I'm grateful I'm able to forgive, but not to forget - since forgetting would mean my "Sometimer has developed into Alzheimer!


But then, it's rarely about forgetting other's wrongdoing; it's mostly about forgiving oneself for being human.


Have a forgiving day everyone!

Gratitude Day 139 - The Breakup

Dear Friends,

Following my son's hospitalisation, came the breakup! 
I don’t remember the exact date, but I know it was around this time. 


Since, I had a rewarding, balanced long weekend, feeling totally in charge of my destiny, let's say it was today - May 22! 

When I needed his arms to hold me tight, so I wouldn’t crumble, he loosened his grip! After I gathered up my pride, and the little strength I had left to take back with me to the hospital, for the first time I realised "good time Charlie" literally had weak arms - void of any defined muscles!

Sometimes you don’t know how much you don’t need something until you lose it! Nonetheless, I had to give the 4-year old relationship with all its hopes and disappointments a proper mourning period. 

I'm grateful starting today, there are no more “firsts.” The circle is complete - the past buried and mourned.  
Breaking up is like lying, cheating, manipulating - it gets easier with practice. The first time my heart was broken, it took me three years to eat “curry” because my lover left me to marry an Indian woman!

This time around, I didn’t boycott any places, songs or cuisines. Just a bit of pain here, a bit of ache there! Nothing that a few bottles of good Merlot, a trip to Cuba and couple of new outfits didn’t cure!

A few months ago, I ran into his son. He said his father missed me, but he was too proud! I was grateful to his pride! A few weeks ago, I saw his number on my TV screen. I didn't pick up; he didn't leave a message. 
Although I don't have everything I want, I know what I don't want. And, as I'm getting older, I'm getting better at refusing it!

I’m very grateful the year is over; chronologically, psychologically and symbolically. To new beginnings!

Have an enchanting day everyone!  

Gratitude Day 138 - Fantastic Promises

Dear Friends,
As the consecutive warmer days announce the arrival of the summer, I become more anxious about my wardrobe!
Vanity - the most imprisoning of them all, right up there with guilt!

Obviously, I subscribe to any oil, cream, gel, lotion, serum that promises to make my arms and legs look flawless, hoping that finally one day I might be able to wear a knee-high sundress! 
As long as I can look 37 - I have no problems being 57!


You can imagine my disappointment when I came across an article that referred to all these largely sought after products as "fantasy" creams - implying I'm gullible!


Well, in my defence I must say, the regiment alone makes me feel "happily" in control. As a result, I pay more attention to my diet and exercise routine. According to the experts, the daily positive energy I bestow upon the unattractive parts of my body will eventually make them more endearing to me!
In anticipation, I remain grateful to psychological deception!
Have a flawless Victoria Day long weekend everyone!

Gratitude Day 137 - PinkMac

Dear Friends,
I feel so cool and up-to-date this morning! 
Last night, after a substantial amount of money on my part; many hours of labour on Jeremy and Alykhan's part, I became a proud mama (hot mama, that is) of a new little girl by the name of PinkMac (hot pink that is - like mother, like daughter!)
I'm very grateful to Future Shop for being across from my street. I'm very grateful to its knowledgeable and patient technicians. All I had to do was pay, bring home my baby and plug it in! No more crashes, no more viruses, no more worries! I'm just so happy and grateful! 


Money might not buy long term happiness, but credit cards sure can buy temporary peace of mind, comfort and joy! 
Have a joyous day everyone! 

Gratitude Day 136 - Bleeding Hearts

Only misfortune and disappointment are the true test of our love for God.


Dear Friends,
According to one of my numerous books on life and how to live it better, every so often we must stop and ask ourselves whether we are in a better place than we were the year before. If the answer is affirmative - no grievances, moving along gratefully! If the answer is negative, we should (after having complained, of course) devise a plan to get out of the undesirable situation!

Today, is the one year anniversary of the most horrible day of my life. 

Although I'm not where I would like to be with the matter, I'm so very 

grateful for not being where I was a year ago today – the emergency room of St. Michael's hospital!  

The heartbreaking story is not mine, so I can't go into details.

Suffice to say, a mother's best and worst experiences in life have

very little to do with her own self.

While I was in the Emergency waiting room, trapped between a stranger with whom I had two children and an ex sister-in-law who had never been sisterly, I received two amazing signs that everything will be fine.

First, out of nowhere, appeared one of my former student’s father, in green staff uniform. He asked me whether I was playing hooky! My teary eyes gave way to a faint chuckle. I immediately felt safe, stronger.

He certainly had something to do with the nurse who, shortly after, came out looking for Mme. M.

An hour or so later, walked in a colleague; dealing with an emergency of her own. Our casual “Hi & Bye” work relationship, took a different turn. I felt belonged, cared for.

In my dark lonely world of May 16^th Dr. S. and Susan were my only shining stars. 
That was also the day I finally realised, no matter how hard I tried or desired, there could never be anything worth saving between me and the father of the boy for whom both our heart bled. Even in the most desperate time of our life, he couldn't reach out to hold my hand. 

I would like to dedicate today’s posting to all the parents who have courageously sat at their children's bedside, feeling helpless, but hopeful; fearful, yet fearless. May the rest of you never visit this cold place. 
I also would like to express my gratitude to everyone who held my hand, dried my tears and gave me strength to carry on.

Have an uplifting day everyone!    

Gratitude Day 135 - Dead Squirrel

Dear Friends,
Yesterday on my way to work, I saw a dead squirrel in the middle of the road. It was lying on his left side - just like I sleep at night. I hurried my steps - with eyes-closed.

Last night on my walk back from work, I found the dead squirrel in the same exact spot; this time his guts were spread out.  

Since I'm a walker and there are many irresponsible drivers out there, sometimes I wonder, will I meet my creator at an intersection, too? However, I'm sure the City will see fit to peel me off the asphalt as soon as possible.

I'm soooo grateful I'm not a squirrel!  

Have a safe day everyone!

Gratitude Day 134 - Night OWL

Dear Friends,
I love going out at night! 
Although I very much appreciate the sun and the daytime activities, there is something enticing hidden in the heart of the night that lures me out of my comfort zone into the lively streets where youth reigns. I'm not the bravest nigh owl. I don't like walking in the dark; I don't like taking the subway after certain hours; I'm even weary of the cab drivers! 
For me, going out at night is not just an act of playfulness - but courage! The three-minute walk from the last all-night variety store to my building always seems like an eternity, but every time I make it to the finish line, I feel as accomplished as a victorious runner!


When I come out of a club tipsy, but in control - well maybe not in total control, since I head for the first hot dog stand - I feel alive! Much more alive than some people half my age, ready to throw up their dinner on the side-walk! Maybe, it's the wisdom of recognising the last sip - knowing when to put down the glass! Maybe, it's the fear of ending up on some one's facebook; or maybe it's simply a matter of not wanting to "lose" Lili (It took me a long time to find her.) More alarming than a "clubbing grandma," is today's youth drinking itself to oblivious - they must not like themselves very much. 
In the wee hours of the morning, grateful to have experienced yet another episode of the "Night Life" with poise, I'm most grateful for not having to explain, justify or defend my DNA to anyone!
Have a lucid day everyone!

Gratitude Day 133 - Glamorous Sunglasses

Dear Friends,
Some blessings are interdependent - got to have one, to enjoy the other!

Remember while back, I expressed my gratitude for my prescription glasses (posting 87) because they hide multitude of my facial flaws? Well, today, being sunny and all, I wanted to give thanks to sunglasses.


A pair of sunglasses is synonymous to glamour. Add a hat or a headscarf - and look like a movie star! 


However, in order for me to enjoy a Grace Kelley or Audry Hepburn look, first I have to put in my lenses - otherwise I will bump into a tree or a pole! 
Thus, at the last minute, I had to change the object of my gratitude to lenses! Without them, I have no use for sunglasses!

Have a glamorous weekend everyone!

Gratitude Day 132 - All Day Breakfast

Dear Friends,
At the time when I lived in Europe and Iran, restaurants were only open for lunch and/or dinner. I was introduced to "eat whenever you feel like it" concept in the early-seventies in Los Angeles, California. Around the same time, I discovered the 24-hour eating establishments in Las Vegas, Nevada. 


I must say, although I've been enjoying all-day restaurants in Toronto for a long time now, I have been taking them for granted!
Today, I would like to express my gratitude to my neighbourhood pancake house where I can get a Country Corner Breakfast 24/7. I mostly appreciate Shannon who is very generous with drinks. (It's quite acceptable to have a glass of wine with your sausage and bacon!) 
It's nice to go somewhere where the waitress knows your name! What I like most about Shannon is that whenever asked whether she is having a good day, she replies: "Every morning that I wake up and put my feet on the ground, is a good day." Now, there is a  grateful person worth knowing! 
Have a satisfying day everyone!

Gratitude Day 131 - SHOES

Dear Friends,
According to fashion experts, our "shoes" say a lot about us! 
So today, let your shoes do the gossipping!

Considering the fact that a great number of people in the world are still barefoot, shoes have certainly managed to secure a special place for themselves in our obsessions, expressions, fairy tales and stories.

Today's shoes are more like artwork - I can't even imagine standing in most of them, never mind walking in them! 

I wonder which designer the old woman who lived in a shoe would have picked?
From H.C. Andersen's girl with the vain soul to Louboutin's red sole - shoes have certainly travelled a long way!  

Since I don't have the budget, the lifestyle or the knees to enjoy footwear at 700 dollars a pair, I simply remain grateful for being able to walk - fast! If my shoes could talk, they would probably scream, "Woman, haven't you heard of  slowing down?!"
Have an exquisite day everyone!

Gratitude Day 130 - The American Idol and the Voice

Dear Friends,
I confess - I've been watching The Voice and The American Idol!  
I appreciate the music, the energy and the contestants' talent. I cheer for everyone equally, and try not to critic the judges' wardrobe!!! However, the distortion of the English language, especially in The American Idol, upsets me!


If "icons" use words like "kill," "murder," ridiculous," "disgusting" and "sickening" to express their enthusiasm and appreciation, what should the viewers then use to bring home the original meaning of these words? I still haven't found a replacement for the ever popular British adjective "smashing!"


With such linguistic travesty - is it any wonder - we can't overcome violence? 


I'm sure grateful I'm not in show business! At least, my first graders' "slang" is only "dorky" - not offensive, bringing to mind aggressive graphic images.  

Have an amazing day everyone!

Gratitude Day 129 - What Do Women Really Want?

Dear Friends,
In all fairness to my heterosexual male readers, I spent the weekend digging out articles on what do heterosexual women really want! In the process, I found out that one, there isn't as many articles on women's wants; two, the light shun on our criteria was not flattering either.


According to one study, most women are attracted to pride. Proud men are (hopefully) successful and powerful; thus good providers with superior genes.  


It seems that both for men and women, it all comes down to making and protecting babies. I wonder if religious organisations are conducting or financing these surveys?!


The same study claims, although younger women might find themselves attracted to bashful, vulnerable types, older women remain indifferent to "puppy eyes." Obviously, they hadn't heard of "cougarism!" 


Another survey states the USA, with highest divorce rate in the West - mostly initiated by women - harbours the "unrealistics" and the "unreasonables!" Apparently, American women want it all! 


After reading all these articles about what men and women want, what can I, a "proud," non-cougar, non-American woman be grateful for? Menopause - the end of men, the beginning of me! 


Have an incomparable day everyone!

Gratitude Day 128 - Feed The Monstre

Dear Friends,

When I don’t receive feedback on my postings for awhile, I get anxious - low self-esteem! I start wondering whether people are still reading; whether I have become predictable, boring or less smart and witty. It never occurs to me that people might be otherwise preoccupied or simply feel put-upon to feed my ego all the time.

So, you can only imagine my gratitude when someone responds to a particular topic verbally, or posts a comment! Yesterday was a very prosperous day!

Today, I really would like to express my gratitude to each and everyone of you for having reacted to one or more of the past 127 postings.

 

Once again, thanks to Oprah’s advice in How To Get Better With Age issue (May 2012), I shall not doubt my path. I shall remain confident in my creative ability to continue delivering five “original” gratitude postings a week till the end of June. And then, I shall start posting my memoirs to which I would prefer not to attract any comments!

Have a gratifying weekend everyone!   

Gratitude Day 127 - What Do Men Really Want?

Dear Friends,
Last night, for the billionth time in my life, I sat down to read an article about what do men really want! No, I was not short of reading material! I'm just a slow learner. Furthermore, losing interest in men doesn't necessarily result in forgetting about them!

Apparently, in Northern European countries where more women are independent, men will forgo their "ideal" body type in favour of social or financial status. In Mediterranean countries, where more women are financially dependent, men go after the low waist-to-hip ratio. In developing countries where money is tight, men are attracted to rubenesque women because they denote accessibility to food.

In North America, it all depends on the Media! (I made that up myself!)

Although men do consider intelligence and sense of humour as desirable traits, ultimately they are enslaved to their universal urge to reproduce - thus female resourcefulness. A woman with acquisition, be it in the shape of an hourglass figure to bear children, or financial security to feed and support the children, is deemed attractive.

Conclusion? Consider relocation - not alteration! 

If I ever go on a hunt again, I might have to (gratefully) tuck my pay stub and pension plan in my cleavage - just in case the rest of me doesn't hold up!


Have a successfully resourceful day everyone!

Gratitude Day 126 - Au-Revoir, Papa

Dear Friends,

Eight years ago today, my father passed away in Paris, at the age of 86.

I didn’t attend his funeral. I figured as long as I didn’t say goodbye to him, he was not gone. I observed some of the cultural mourning rituals; however I put my own spin on it. Instead of locking myself up and crying, I returned to work the following day. Instead of wearing black for a whole year, I wore black only for forty days; au lieu de holding a traditional somber gathering in his honour, I threw him a cocktail party. The enlarged beautifully framed picture that I chose to display amongst the tall black candles and the white lilies was of a young man I didn’t know.

I paid my respects without mourning him.

If what my father told me once that every time we think of the dead, we bring them back to life is true – my father is very much alive.

Every time I attend a family event, I throw in my purse a small locket that holds a picture of an older man I recognize. I take him with me to all the birthdays, graduations, weddings and family reunions.

Today, as I particularly think of my father, I’m grateful I had him for as long as I did. Although he lived in exile, I’m grateful he died a free man, in the city he adored.

Au-revoir Papa!

Have an unforgettable day everyone!

Gratitude Day 125 - Hide-and-Go-Seek

Dear Friends,
Last weekend, on my way to Simpleville, I realised what I really am trying to do is "comfortablizing" (Don't you think there ought to be a verb as such?) my life.
Allow me to advise you; the journey is both time and money consuming! 


Having a shelf removed from the hall closet to make room for my footwear plus clear plastic boxes to store shoes in - $160! A few dividers to separate accessories in drawers - $30! A strong, steady caddie for the shower - $25! My comfort - priceless! 


I came out of Solutions store on Yonge street feeling very grateful that finally all my "mentionables" and "unmentionables" have found a decent place they can call home! 


This morning getting ready for work seemed much simpler! No more playing hide-and-go-seek in the closets!


Have a comfy day everyone!